Everything Is Racist: Eclipse Edition

A month ago a portion of the United States was punished by the Gods for electing that false orange idol, president 45.  The reprieve came in the form of blocking the life giving sun for nearly two minutes, which can feel like a lifetime while living in this Handmaid’s Tale fiction-turned-reality.  While many alt-right bigots believe the cosmic event worthy of admiration, it’s obvious they ignored (or are celebrating) the reality of the oppression and systemic racism triggered by this eclipse. The Atlantic has done incredible work bringing this to light (no pun intended, because wordplay is another staple of white supremacy).

It has been dubbed the Great American Eclipse, and along most of its path, there live almost no black people… an eclipse chaser is always tempted to believe that the skies are relaying a message. At a moment of deep disagreement about the nation’s best path forward, here comes a giant round shadow, drawing a line either to cut the country in two or to unite it as one.

Alice Ristroph, the author of this journalistic masterpiece, seems to maintain some hope that drawing a line through the middle of the country could somehow unite people.  We who are truly woke know that is wildly naive.  Lines are drawn solely to divide. And while many people can afford to lose sun for a time, the inner city black communities cannot. This time of darkness provides cover for systematic oppression. White people are the cause of all the worlds problems, and the final solution to racism cannot include the inherently intolerant ivory instigators.

White people being disproportionately able to occupy the path of totality–and to view such a cataclysmic event as a jubilant spectacle at all–is a deeply problematic show of privilege that should horrify any person of color or their allies.  As Ristroph notes, in a not-so-distant era of racial discrimination: “with whiteness, there was no compromise. Totality was everything.” And just like the totality of the eclipse, Drumpf and his Nazi army of supporters will continue to marginalize and exclude the black community. We must #resist. The sun will not divide us.



Featured Image: Eagle Rising

The preceding article is, in fact, an attempt at satire. The premise, however, is drawn from a completely serious source. Though satire is becoming increasingly difficult due to the nature of “progressive” arguments and political correctness overload, we feel the need to explicitly say that this is NOT an actual argument and should not be taken seriously by anyone.


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